One more ordinary day

Its one more ordinary day. Work at Quickly, go to school, workout and then go home. But today instead back home I make a stop at friend’s home which a place I hang out with two chinese students in past couple weeks. I go there many times in past 2 weeks, because after school and work, home is a very quiet and alonely place to be. I hate to being by myself everyday. I do like some alone time but not every day. I like to be around some people, but there are no one around in my home. Only thing with me is a computer, and many memories fresh by. That is way I hang out at friend’s home a lot.

I look up in the mirror, the face I see in the mirror is much older then 4 year before I came here. I think maybe there is so much pressure makes all that marks on my face. I dont like what I see in the mirror, its not I plane to be. Hope I could recover by another year.

I also wanna say sorry for everything I did, and all the words I said. Time makes me look back, more and more I see myself clearly than before. That’s why I have to see sorry to you, and hope one day you could forgive me. The guilt in my heart will never wash off. I think that just my destiny. Hope you will be good, and that is all I can do. Pray for you and pray for every one I know.

Another day pasted, a one more ordinary day coming……be good and be strong!

Today start my daily update.

Like I just said I gonna update my blog daily start today. My life is so different today than before. It’s not only because Im living in a different country now. Also my goal, my life style are totally changed. It was a hard time at past of the year. My life was upside dwon, I myself was ridiculous  stupid. However, it’s all past. I should say I need a fresh start and put myself in a new position to rethink my future life. Anyway, it’s maybe too heavy to bring the past to the past, but I am trying and hope oneday I could fully recover from that.

Today I feel a little unhappy about myself. It’s a sleepy day. I was sleep over 12 hour . Maybe because it’s the week before final week , that much sleep makes me feel guilt. But after a hour and helf of workout at gym reduce all my stress off. I have to say workout is best way to release stress out.

It is almost the end of this quarter. The spring break is coming. Where should I go, snowbroading or Yosemite?

在此刻痛苦伴随着成长

此刻的痛楚也许只有自己能够体会，也许只有自己能够解读自己这么多年以来的苦涩和挣扎。一切定格在10/10/10的凌晨，电话挂断的那一刻，世界安静了，时间停滞在那一刻。之前的一切都已经变成历史，那个充满着欢乐回忆的历史。每当我回想的时候，都会面带微笑的回味每一个瞬间，每一个图像刻印在我脑海里。不知道现在这清晰的图画是否会伴随着岁月的流失而模糊，而变得淡忘。

最终我明白我不是那个人，我所做的只能是片刻的欢乐，不会赢得更多于此。自己好像一个小丑，带给大家欢笑，但是当这个舞台退去的时候又有谁关心小丑面具下面的人是谁。这时候才知道，我应该退出这个不属于我的舞台，踏实下来走我自己的路。

走下舞台，世界是安静的，手机放在一旁静静的很久～～～网络上面来来往往的信息好像和我都没有什么关系。我一个人的路要怎么走我知道，但是这孤单苦涩的滋味我从来无从体会过。现在的感觉不知道有谁能够理解，又有谁能够走过我曾经走过的这么多年的经历呢，我想真的没有几个吧。这积压在心里的复杂感情也就无从诉说。就这样支撑着，支撑着，直到时间一点一点麻木自己的感情……

“life is suffering” 这是佛祖对世人的第一个教诲。 我希望这接下来3年的suffering life 能够换来我的成功和happiness。 我真的需要这一点点光明指引我去到我该去的地方，离开这个舞台我会大步向前，再不回头，因为那里已经不剩下我曾经拥有的过去。我的未来怎样我不知道，但是我知道我绝对不会再做一个小丑，一个给予一切却只换来大家的嘲笑。

就这样吧，心里的感情，无论如何也无法表述。就这样吧，安静一点也不错，也许很快就会爱上这静谧的生活，就这样吧，过去的都已经过去，难过也只是片刻的。就这样吧，该走的路就在脚下，现在迈出第一步……

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暑假过去了

      开学已经一周了，繁忙的暑假没想到一下子就过去了。 又回到我那忙碌而又单调上学打工生活中。 暑假去了美国西海岸的北部还有加拿大，照片已经share上去了。不知道下一次的旅行要等到什么时候了，暂时经济危机，只好存钱，学习，踏实过我的每一天吧。期待2011年的暑假哈哈！！！！

开始一个人的旅程

   风波过去了，海面格外的平静；海天交界处有着雾气飘来，好似云海低低的悬在海面上；我站在悬崖边上，欣赏着面前这不可思议的景象。

   一号公路已经去过几次了，不过每次都有惊喜给我，有时平和静谧，有时绚丽惊艳。 这一次带上我的表妹还有她的男朋友一行3人从圣荷西开车一路去往洛杉矶和拉斯维加斯。 行程到今天已经过半，每天都过的很充实，每天都过的很精彩。 今天终于有时间一个人坐下来开始书写我的“一个人的旅程”。

    从今天开始，我一个人的旅程终于开始了，可以说是这么多年来我人生的崭新一幕的开篇。 卸下所有压力，把所有不相干的人于事都抛在脑后，这才是我真正该去做的，我承认我是一个向往自由多于拘束与家庭的人， 也许我就是一个游者，从出生的那一天就已经注定，这结果我现在接受起来好似舒服了很多。

    一个人的旅行－－人生的旅程－－环球旅行，这些都是我一直向往的，不过这次确定是“一个人”。 我发现我需要的人已经不复存在，我也只好接受这一点，这一迟早要接受的现实，然后整装出发，开始我自己的旅行了。

     这次LA&LV之旅，揭开个这个新的篇章。我也在此开始我新的一段博客旅程，希望这一点一滴的片段回忆会成为的一生最后的总结。

Im missing you~~~

Im missing you. Its saturday night on your side, and sunday morning at here. I dont know this’s how many times I wakeup at night, find out you arenot here. Im keeping busy and busy, because I think that may help me to overcome those things, but when night time comeing, when I go to bed, when I finally lie myself down to the piece of my world, I could not feel you. My world is empty when you arenot here. I will never let my head down, because Im the man,but when the dark night cover my weakness, when Im sleeping, I couldnot hold my tear any longer. This is not the frist time. I can feel the pain deep and deep inside of my heart, it hurts so bad but I cannot help. I know wht went worry but I couldnot help also. I feel useless since the day you left. All of this its the piese of my mine in the early early morning. I know wht I should do, and I know I got nothing that could change all the this.I know its not the time to say it, but I do, I do really really miss you. I will wait the day comeing and then get back all the memory we had. I will I will, this the only thing I believe and only thing I can lie myself on to.