I look up in the mirror, the face I see in the mirror is much older then 4 year before I came here. I think maybe there is so much pressure makes all that marks on my face. I dont like what I see in the mirror, its not I plane to be. Hope I could recover by another year.

I also wanna say sorry for everything I did, and all the words I said. Time makes me look back, more and more I see myself clearly than before. That’s why I have to see sorry to you, and hope one day you could forgive me. The guilt in my heart will never wash off. I think that just my destiny. Hope you will be good, and that is all I can do. Pray for you and pray for every one I know.

Another day pasted, a one more ordinary day coming……be good and be strong!

Today I feel a little unhappy about myself. It’s a sleepy day. I was sleep over 12 hour . Maybe because it’s the week before final week , that much sleep makes me feel guilt. But after a hour and helf of workout at gym reduce all my stress off. I have to say workout is best way to release stress out.

It is almost the end of this quarter. The spring break is coming. Where should I go, snowbroading or Yosemite?

最终我明白我不是那个人，我所做的只能是片刻的欢乐，不会赢得更多于此。自己好像一个小丑，带给大家欢笑，但是当这个舞台退去的时候又有谁关心小丑面具下面的人是谁。这时候才知道，我应该退出这个不属于我的舞台，踏实下来走我自己的路。

走下舞台，世界是安静的，手机放在一旁静静的很久～～～网络上面来来往往的信息好像和我都没有什么关系。我一个人的路要怎么走我知道，但是这孤单苦涩的滋味我从来无从体会过。现在的感觉不知道有谁能够理解，又有谁能够走过我曾经走过的这么多年的经历呢，我想真的没有几个吧。这积压在心里的复杂感情也就无从诉说。就这样支撑着，支撑着，直到时间一点一点麻木自己的感情……

“life is suffering” 这是佛祖对世人的第一个教诲。 我希望这接下来3年的suffering life 能够换来我的成功和happiness。 我真的需要这一点点光明指引我去到我该去的地方，离开这个舞台我会大步向前，再不回头，因为那里已经不剩下我曾经拥有的过去。我的未来怎样我不知道，但是我知道我绝对不会再做一个小丑，一个给予一切却只换来大家的嘲笑。

就这样吧，心里的感情，无论如何也无法表述。就这样吧，安静一点也不错，也许很快就会爱上这静谧的生活，就这样吧，过去的都已经过去，难过也只是片刻的。就这样吧，该走的路就在脚下，现在迈出第一步……